8/23 - Potty Training in the Big Apple

Today began at Ninham Mountain State Park in Mahopac, NY. Each of us arose around mid morning and moved leisurely about the grounds; washing up in the "spring", folding up sleeping bags, sitting on rocks, etc. Karl had the awesome idea to get the fire back going and soon enough we were roasting s'mores pop tarts (perfect, right?), cinnamon raisin bagels, and all kinds of beans. 

For those New Englanders out there who DON'T have these, they may be the best reason to leave the  northeast. Fuckin' delicious. 

"Ugh I have to deal with these losers."

Some guy had the nerve to build a goddamn beautiful chair out of rocks. 

After enjoying the park for a bit longer we shoved away to a nearby Starbucks to get some wi-fi and chill as we had only a two hour drive to St. Vitus in Brooklyn. We totally cashed out on the $2 grande drinks after 2pm with a receipt from buying something before then. For four bucks total I got a legit cup of coffee as well as a devilishly indulgent "Mocha Cookie Crumble Frapuccino"! With our fancy drinks in our hands, we left for the Big Apple!

It's not even coffee, it's just candy!

The drive over was nothing but pleasureful. Just a short 2 hour drive, we drove down highways that were familiar to Matt and Dave from an early age. Weather was nice, and the old melodeath jams were pumping! About halfway through the car ride, an awful realization dawned on Joe and I (Matt here, helllooo). We had each had two delicious starbucks treats apiece, and that coffee wasn't staying put. Both of us had to urinate ferociously. Much love to Joby for his guts and ingenuity. Awhile back in Chicago, you may remember that he bought a tube of caramel creams that measured a full 3 feet. Well, we had all but finished those caramel creams at this point, and now it's just a 3 foot tube doing nothing. It wasn't the kind of piss that you can hold in for awhile, it was the kind that was dire as shit! So Joe ended up pissing in a tube, apprehensive the whole while that the tube would fill up, and that his "dick would split open" because stopping his stream would be damn near impossible. Turns out he had just enough room! (Sorry for the gory details, but it was just that great of a moment). We were stuck in slow-moving traffic in the Bronx with a cop car right behind ours. Totally not a good time to dump out the tube on the road. However the situation was growing steadily more desperate. He'd tested the tube for water tightness before pissing in the tube, all seemed to be just fine. Presumably, it was the increase in liquid temperature that softened the plastic and, in turn, caused a small leak of Joe's piss to spring. Being the quick-thinking chap he is, he whipped out his bandanna and stopped the leak until we parked some half an hour later. At that point, the bandanna was soaked; you can imagine that it ended up in a trash can damn near immediately. I did not have the same boldness to relieve myself into a food container,  so I waited it out and then found a nice secluded basketball court in Brooklyn to use. 

Happy Joby with an empty tube!

Happy Joby with an empty bladder!

After the piss adventure, we hopped over to St. Vitus where we loaded in our gear and backlined immediately. We were the first band there, and we set up our stuff because it was a gear sharing night. St. Vitus is the best looking venue a metal band can play at. The aesthetic is perfect. Dim, black paint, candles, iron wrought doorhandles, kickass sound, good stage. Totally cool place all around. First up was a sick band from Philly called Hollenlarm, who rocked the stage with some crossover black metal/crust/doom/groove shit. Fucking sick check them out! Autolatry took the stage next, and people really appreciated our music. We're very glad about that so it's assured we'll be back in NYC sometime soon!After us came Unholy Spirits. They brought most of the crowd and people ate that shit up! After them was Discordia, another black metal band from the city with a whole hell of a lot of people who showed up. Mortum closed out the night with their straight up black sorcery. Check out these bands, especially Hollenlarm, when you get the chance.

As sad as it is, this is one of the last blogs; our last show of the tour is tonight in New London, CT! Tune in tomorrow for what's sure to be a killer write up for our last day on tour. Stay silly you metalheads!

8/22 - Ain't no yolo, dude.

Today was an interesting day. We woke up at a rest stop a few miles outside of Poughkeepsie without any idea as to what the day would hold. It was still unclear as to whether we would be heading to Providence for a show or whether there would be no show at all as we were waiting to hear from Evan, our booking guy. We ate breakfast amidst the roar of traffic buzzing by on the highway until we were simply too stir crazy to sit still. So we headed to a McDonald’s to do some blogging and to chill since we had really nothing to do. That got real old after an hour had passed so we shipped off to a state park several miles away figuring that it’d be better to wait in some natural surroundings than at a goddamn McDonald’s.

We hit it big and found a state forest scattered with trails and camping area, Ninham Mountain State Park it was. After a couple hours exploring trails and such we got confirmation from Evan that the show in Providence wasn’t going to be possible. The news was bittersweet but in all honesty it was mostly sweet for a couple reasons. The main reason is that it would be a lot of gas money that we didn't have to get to Providence for a show that we probably wouldn’t get much support at. Second it would mean driving on route 6 through CT and past our hometown Mansfield which would be a cruel experience being so close to home. So with the news that we didn’t have a show to play, we felt a weight off our shoulders and could commit to spending the day and night at this wonderful park.

Splendors of the Northeast United States!

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK

Everybody sort of split up and just wandered around, checking out the scenery and enjoying the trails. There was even an observation tower on top of the “mountain” where you could see trees and lakes for miles! The only downside were the massive amounts of winged ants on top of the tower (seriously that shit was crazy).

American Badass

Middle Eastern Badass

About an hour before dark we started to set up camp and get a fire going. There was already a magnificent fireplace there and some stone chairs and metal grates so we were pretty much set. We just had to provide the food and the tents. Karl engineered a stove upon which we could boil water from the stream (for drinking and soup) as well as cook our various canned goods. Canned food tastes infinitely better when it’s hot, believe me! It was an extremely pleasant night by the fire, cooking and chilling until finally retiring to our tents. It felt very good to be in the woods again, especially ones so reminiscent of those in our homeland, Connecticut.  

This particular species of grasshopper has a wiener protruding from the anus. Fascinating!

demonic woodland creatures performing ritual sacrifice

8/21 - Turn up the heat 2009! Poughkeepsie, NY

Coming off of a day without a show, we were all very stoked to be going to Poughkeepsie. We had most of Pennsylvania to traverse before we reached New York State. It was a reasonable drive; only about 7 hours, so we had plenty of time since we left at about 8 AM. We stopped at a McDonald’s because we were in need of some wi-fi. It just so happens that we stumbled upon the classiest and most fancy McDonalds that has ever existed. The place had a fenced in patio with chairs, faux wood floors, chic looking furniture. Everything about the place was extravagant for McDick’s standards.

We got our blogs posted and Karl satisfied his bastardly urge for double cheeseburgers. Mostly, we were just excited to be back in the northeast. Pennsylvania and New York aren’t necessarily in New England, but all the most important things that we’ve missed about the weather and atmosphere is similar enough to light all of us up. We basically drove straight through to Poguhkeepsie without making many stops. It was a nice enough drive to do so, we listened to classical music nearly the whole way there.

YEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

What are you looking at? 

We got to the venue, the Pickwick Pub, around 6 o'clock, and immediately started talking with the two other touring bands. Sapremia and Nightfire. They are all awesome dudes, and we hit it off immediately. They've been on tour together for the past week and a half and are tearing it up all over the place. They were in Canada and recently came back to the northeast US. Truly an honor to play with those dudes.

The room was small and intimate, and it had a great vibe to it. The PA system was so-so, but everyone was still happy.

Nightfire!

The show started off with Cooking With Betty White, a deathcore band who was unfortunate enough to be the one act of the night during which the PA system was turning on and off. Next up was Roargh, some badass death metal. Then came Snapring, the aggressive metal machine! Autolatry took the stage next, and people dug it! We had a great time playing there. After us was Nightfire, a melodic, technical death metal band. Super great musicians and super great dudes! check them out! Closing the night was some quality old school death metal, Sapremia, from NJ. Kickass bands!

The pussy tamer

i am loser

salami background

look at those cutie patoooties

We owe a special shoutout to Andy from Nightfire, he is one of the funniest dudes we've met on the road and lifted out spirits while we were uncertain of our day's plans! You fucking rock dude! We hope to meet up with you guys again since you're on the east coast. To all the readers out there, check out Nightfire! They're excellent and will be blowing up before you know it!

8/20 - Burger time in Chi Town

The wolfpack awoke from it's comfortable slumber in our great buddy Tim's basement feeling extremely refreshed and rejuvenated. His impeccable shower and bathroom facilities were a welcome change! 

Tim's basement kicks ass. Also those air mattresses were amazing.

Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday are odd days in that our shows hadn't come together until the very last minute. Over the last couple days we heard some noncommittal rumours that our booking superhero Evan Madden might be able to get us on the Gojira show in Cleveland the night of the 20th. Unfortunately as of midday in Chicago it was a no-go, so the new gameplan was to enjoy the Windy City for a few hours before heading toward Tuesday's spot, Poughkeepsie, NY.

The corn tortillas smelt like hamsters. 

For as long as I (Dave here) can remember, I have been thinking about our Chicago date for the sole reason of eating the greatest hamburger in the history of the universe at a place called Kuma's Corner. Although funds are running low and the only half of our crew was down for the experience, Seamus, Selena, and I decided to spring for burgers. The first stop after leaving Tim's peaceful abode was the glorious Aldi, where we all stocked up one last time on supplies to make it home. Kuma's was only a half mile from the kingdom of discount groceries, so the three of us speed-walked the short distance there, leaving the others to eat and blog in the parking lot.

Finally satisfied with his length, although not his girth. 

The Famous Kuma Burger

After the most impatient and painful wait of our collective lives, Seamus, Selena and myself sprinted the half mile back to the tour-mobile to indulge in burger salvation. All I can say about the Kuma's Corner experience is that I have never eaten anything remotely as delicious and tasty in my entire life. This damn burger did not fall apart, nor did the bun get all soggy and wet as most do. The meat was so perfect... the bbq sauce so succulent... the specialty toppings such a novelty... The whole experience was nearly orgasm-inducing. Luckily though, our gluttony was not punished and the rest of the day was occupied by driving through Indiana and Ohio.

Howl and Black Oak Arkansas, respectively.

We leave off on Monday having made it just over the Pennsylvania border, with the rest of the state and a small bit of New York to traverse Tuesday to make it to Poughkeepsie. There are only four shows left on our mammoth summer tour!

8/19 The Windy City Blows us Far

Today we awoke at a rather nice rest stop, just over the Nebraska border into Iowa. I for one (hey it's Joe!) got some pretty miserable sleep as that vehicle is not exactly conducive to restorative somnarial activities but it was refreshingly cool stepping outside the car and the corn fields behind the main building looked very pretty. Before the others awoke, Matt and I did some blogging (I know, I know, We're late again) with the free wifi and when they did awake,  we headed out for Chicago.

peeking out of his hole

checkin' out dat corn

back to the jackwagon

The trip was pretty nice even though it was just corn fields for miles and miles. We stopped at a rest stop an hour outside of Chicago to eat some lunch and enjoy the pleasant weather until leaving again to our destination.

demonic lunch lady

sick space inside the Ultra Lounge

We made it to the Ultra Lounge with plenty of time to spare, before it was even open actually which really is not uncharacteristic of us in the slightest. Soon enough we were able to load in and see the space. Quite cruelly, the back patio area was a BYOB situation in which people were able to bring their own beef and grill it on the bar's grill. We were all hopelessly salivating as we loaded our gear passed the intoxicating aromas and into the venue.

After a few hours of waiting around, it was nine O'clock and Purge began their set with  some Death sounding old school death metal. It was our turn after Purge and we had a great time rocking out, seriously enjoying the great sound at the venue (I could actually hear all of our instruments distinctly!). We played a tight set and seemed to be well received, a very fun performing experience to be sure.

After us came Veneficum, a very interesting quintet who utilized a drum machine, a keyboardist, two guitarists, a bassist, and a vocalist. Following Veneficum was the legendary Austaras! They absolutely blew us away with their new wave, transcendental style of USBM. The dudes pounded away for a very fulfilling 45 minute set in which we even got to hear some extremely riveting new material. Expect huge things from this band!
 ( http://www.facebook.com/austarasband http://austaras.bandcamp.com/ )

After chilling awhile we shipped off back to Tim's (bassist and vocalist for Austaras) place in the Chicago suburbs. He's a long time friend of Dave and Matt who recorded drums for his other kickass death metal project Polyptych ( http://www.facebook.com/Polyptych  ).We can't thank Tim enough for his extreme generosity. You're the man, Tim! 

"so sleepy..."

"...better do some pushups"

8/18 - Oma-hahahahahhahahahhhahha

Hello there Autolatry fans! Sorry once again that we haven’t been the most diligent on our blogging schedule. We’ve been making 9 hour drives regularly and there hasn’t been much down time. Well in any event, now it’s time to recount the story of Omaha, Nebraska.

The drive from Denver to Omaha is serious. Never make this drive if you can help it. It is obscenely flat and full of corn. The drive itself had almost nothing good to offer besides the welcome return of the lush green grass, healthy deciduous trees, and abundant farmland that we are so accustomed to in our native New England. However all of Nebraska is very, very, very flat and stinks like a leak of propane. Although the rest stops of Nebraska had little to offer, when we arrived in Omaha, we were surprised to find a little downtown area near the venue that was actually somewhat charming. Lots of young people filled bars and theaters on the Saturday night. Definitely a good stop to make if you’re bored in corn country.

At first we had some trouble spotting the venue. It’s called The Lair for a reason. We ended up finding this place in an alleyway behind Subway; an unlikely spot. However, once we entered the place, it became quite evident that it actually is a really nice place to play. The stage was nice and clean, big, high off the ground, and the soundsystem was fantastic. The place was run by the Nebraska NYDM chapter. I must say, they definitely do a good job keeping the place up. There was ample time to load our gear into the venue, set up right on stage, and then do some very necessary guitar maintenance (Dave broke a string on his guitar during the first song). 

Autolatry was added to the bill EXTREMELY last minute. In fact, we got confirmation about this gig right after we finished playing the Denver show. Because of this late addition, we were to open the show. With 6 bands set to play that night, we were ready to play quite early in the night. We had all of our shit set up for awhile on stage, just waiting for it to be the right time to play. We did a soundcheck at 8PM and then got right to our set. This was NOT a good decision. One thing that we’re not good at doing is waiting around to play. Typically we always play right after soundcheck. However on this particular night, there wasn’t a soul in the venue besides the sound guy when we started playing. Being a black metal band playing an overwhelmingly death metal concert who was added at the very last minute is not ideal, but you have to deal with that when you’re on tour. Not a surprise, not a problem. About halfway through our set, the two members from Drowning in the Platte, and a nice fellow wearing a hammerhead shark mask (he wore that the WHOLE night) came to watch.  

Next up was Drowning in the Platte, a two piece death metal act. They had an interesting sound comprised of pounding guitar riffs, and layered vocals. Big thanks to those guys for buying some merch from us! After their set, Skinned, a brutal death metal band took the stage. They captivated the death metallers in the crowd with their sound. Next up was Abolishment of Flesh (their guitarist is actually the drummer of Skinned). They played a very similar style. At this point, there were supposed to be 2 other bands on the bill who never gave notification of their absence. The completely flaked out on the management, didn’t give any word, didn’t show up. Everyone, including us, was very pissed because we played so fucking early (without anything of a crowd) to accommodate the later flakester bands who had been scheduled to play. The closer band went on early. I have no idea what they were called because they never announced their name on stage. However they were probably the most creative and talented death metal band that played that night. 

Joe, Sean, and I (Matt here) exited the venue to pack up and go in search of wifi. However we ended up just searching around the local restaurant dumpsters for food since at that point all of us had no food left and we were desperately hungry. Joe ended up with the remains of a slice of Pizza Hut pizza that was apparently akin to the sensation one gets from satisfying a camel.

By the end of the show, everyone was exhausted and absolutely ready to leave that place. We got the fuck out of there and headed to a rest stop on the interstate to sleep. Next on the schedule was Chicago, a show we’ve been looking forward to for a very long time. Stay tuned for extravagance in Chicago and additional dumpster diving desperation explorations.

Peace!

8/17 - Too crowded and it smells like poop.

get it all in there nice and deeeeply

The kind people of Idaho Falls gave us a place to stay for the night. The drive to Denver from Idaho Falls was daunting though, so we’d only be sleeping for a few hours. Some of us fell asleep instantaneously, while others enjoyed the conversation of Doug and Leaf Raker until the wee hours. It had been a really good night, even though it came on such short notice. We rose bright and early; 6AM was departure time for Denver. All of us were zombies.

Even though it was a 10 hour drive to our next destination, we were told by some locals that the beginning of the drive was the most beautiful drive they’d ever done. Directly east of Idaho Falls, ID is the Grand Teton National Forest that bridges the borders of Idaho and Wyoming. They weren’t lying when they said it is beautiful. Especially at sunrise, the scenery was breathtaking. There unfortunately aren’t any pictures of this magical forest wonderland because most of the band was sleeping during this segment of the drive, me being no exception. We ended up pulling over for a 45 minute respite because Karl needed a little extra shuteye. The sun came over the trees then and it was a beautiful start to the morning.

That was all very damn well, but the reality of the situation was that we had another 8.5 hours to go, and we had driven through all the forest that exists on i-80 between Idaho Falls and Cheyenne. We’ve been through some very desolate landscapes, but Wyoming is a whole new ballgame. It is literally the most empty place any of us have ever seen. There are no curves in the road, no clouds, no trees for miles, no cars, no other humans, not even a fucking sales tax! This place was very, very empty. Except for snow fences and the ordinary cattle ranch, this place has absolutely nothing to offer travelers. Karl is insistent on buying a plot of land there and digging the world’s largest handmade cave there.

The one interesting stop we made on the way was at a rest stop with a towering bust of Abe Lincoln on the side. I’m not exactly sure why that was put in Wyoming, but that’s all fine because he was a swell guy. Inside, there was an exhibit on the natural highlights of Wyoming. Grizzly bears, various other wild critters, and signs boasting how much coal and natural gas Wyoming has.

Taxidermy!

We love Wyoming!

"I wonder if I can zoom in on its balls."

Woops this is sideways

After a quick chuckle with some taxidermized beasts, we were back on our way to Denver. The drive was boring, but we finished it out in good spirits, only hitting a little bit of Denver traffic. When we arrived, we were surprised to discover the sheer amount of metal shows happening in Denver that night. There were two concerts happening at the bar we played, Old Curtis Street (which happened to smell powerfully of human feces). Not only that, but there was a show at the bar right down the road, and a show at an auto shop around the corner. 4 metal shows…..in the same neighborhood! It’s hard to fathom that even more could’ve been going on in other parts of the town. Next door to our show was a punk show, which had a really good turnout. Fortunately, people were going back and forth between the two gigs, so the smaller gig next door didn’t get totally fucked.

Smells like poop in there

Let's light these candles to diminish the poop odor with sensitive aromatherapy. 

The show got started at around 10PM, opening with the band Scepter of Eligos. They had a tight style of old school black metal that kept the crowd hungry for more. Up next was a brutal death metal band from Colorado Springs called Execration. They are some cool dudes, and have a really good sound despite having no bassist. Our personal recommendation is to check out their song “Retard Strength,” it puts us in stitches every time. People were shuffling in and out during the show, but fortunately they shuffled back in right as we started out set. We were generally well received by the fans who weren’t trve & kvlt to beat the band (literally).

After the gig, people left that venue faster than a pack of Norwegian whale skinners at a Chinese roasted walrus festival to head back to the big party that was the punk rock show next door. We didn’t have the option of crashing with anyone at that point, so we figured that we’d just start on the road toward our next date and hit up a rest stop for sleep. These next few days are constantly in flux: we’re going to be playing in Omaha, NE on 8/18, and Chicago the next day, but the three dates immediately following that have not been confirmed yet, so we’re just going to take it day by day and keep all of you readers guessing! Stay tuned for more shenanigans and animal ballsack close-ups.